The cover of Soldiers of Ice. A woman in furs with a bow and a gnome in spiked armor stand over a gnoll corpse. They're in a clearing in a snow-covered forest.

Soldiers of Ice

“If this is the Harpers’ general level of competence, it’s hard to imagine why the Zhentarim don’t run the world yet.”

The cover of Pool of Twilight. A hammer-wielding young man faces off against a gaunt scorpion-tailed monster in a glowing cavern.

Pool of Twilight

“Stealing a scene is lazy writing, which is occasionally forgivable. Assuming that your readers are too uneducated to notice is condescending, which is not.”

The cover of Prince of Lies. In the background Mystra, a black-haired glowing goddess spreads a glowing white cloak. In the foreground Cyric, a wiry demonic-looking man, grasps his forearm with a pained expression. At the bottom, some sort of gargoyle-like creature falls backwards while yelling. (No, none of it makes sense to me either.)

Prince of Lies

“I’d love to see more Forgotten Realms authors run with this depiction of godhood, which gives the gods a delightfully alien feel. Alas, I suspect that everyone else is going to keep writing them as powerful, slightly dim humans and I’ll continue to be annoyed.”

The cover of The Fallen Fortress. A robed young man with a feathered hat and walking stick gestures at a pair of helmeted dwarves on an icy mountain path.

The Fallen Fortress

“The reason this review is up later than I expected is because I kept putting the book down out of sheer boredom every time I came to another six-page stretch of ‘And then they killed a bunch of goblins.'”

The cover of Crypt of the Shadowking. A gaunt humanoid monster is rising out of a glowing sarcophagus in the background. In the foreground, a woman lies prone and a man is blowing into some sort of device. I think it's supposed to be a musical instrument, but it looks more like he's taking a rip off a bong.

Crypt of the Shadowking

“Imagine that someone read The Lord of the Rings, then said to themself, ‘That was cool, but you know what this story really needed? An entire book devoted to the Scouring of the Shire!’ Because that’s pretty much what we have here.”

The cover of The Druid Queen. In the background is the floating head of Robyn, a black-haired middle-aged woman wearing a crown. In the foreground is Keane, a young blond wizard doing some sort of magic with one hand and holding a book with the other. He's standing on a rock next to the ocean. Off to the right are a couple of spooky ghosts with their arms outstretched.

The Druid Queen

“Five out of Niles’ nine books have featured wicked, venal, self-righteous priests of Helm as major villains. What’s the deal here? Did the author have a bad run-in with a mall security guard in his youth and now seeks revenge on the anthropomorphized concept of guards and watchmen?”

The cover of Realms of Valor. In the background is Elminster, a white-bearded old man smoking a large pipe. In the middle ground is Arilyn, a half-elf with black curly hair, standing dramatically on a rock gazing into the distance. In the foreground is Drizzt, a hooded dark elf holding two scimitars crossed in front of his chest.

Realms of Valor

“The nice thing about a mixed bag like this is that even when you suffer through a badly-written story, you know it’s going to be short and you’ll probably get to a better one soon. Beats slogging through a bad 300-page novel, that’s for sure.”